This is a spoof song/video from the band Family Force 5 (who incidentally, I am bringing over from the USA in May to play some gigs here in the uk!) which I think is quite funny.
The band, although relatively unheard of here are big in the states and have appeared next to the likes of The Pussycat Dolls and many more.....
There are so many things in this world the are a pain in the neck but it seems none more so than an actual pain in the neck! You see, this morning, I awoke at 4am to discover that a problem I had had some time back in my neck had re-occurred. The first time it happened, lets call it 'Neck affliction', was about a year ago and I remember having to drive down to Portsmouth to meet a band whilst being unable to turn my head. Not a problem until you get to either a junction or if you are trying to change lanes on the motorway. Whats even worse is that because you look like a robot, people just laugh at you, in fact sympathy was given by no-one. But I got through it and after a week, I had managed to defeat the pain, just your average war movie.
Unlike most film sequels 'Neck Affliction 2 - Meetings of dread' was not only a better storyline but included romance and far more pain. It was bad enough that my German girlfriend was going back to Germany that weekend and I had planned a lovely weekend that was ruined by a phone call reminding me that I was supposed to be elsewhere in the country but to then have the agony of the neck pain really topped it off. It all ended up really lovely with Anja joining me at the hotel I was staying at so that we could still have our last weekend together but what wasn't nice was me walking around the town center at 5 in the morning desperately trying to find somewhere that might sell pain killers.
2 weeks later the pain had finally subsided and all went back to normal.
So, here we are, 2 days off the biggest party night of the year and its back ' Neck affliction 3 - This time with a vengeance'. I awoke at 4am in agony, couldn't move for 20 minutes and then managed to get into the shower to try and sooth it with hot water. No good! I ended up going to the hospital and waiting 2 and a half hours to be seen. As I was taken through and sat down to start another wait I overheard a very old man in the cubical next to me asking a nurse if he could go home. 'Not yet' she replied, 'the doctor is just coming over'. The doctor turns up and with a loud (he was a bit deaf) and dispassionate vice declares ' sir, you have broken your neck'. At this point the gentleman, probably well into his 80's says 'so can I go home now then?'.
Of course the answer was no but to then have the same doctor come to deal with my neck which certainly isn't broken left me at a bit of a disadvantage. A quick feel round it and he declared it a muscle spasm although why it should keep re-occurring is apparently a mystery. O top of that, apparently, it only lasts a couple of days and then goes away, oh no it doesn't! Apparently, the reason as to why the pain is with me for 2 weeks or more is also a mystery. But of course, we wouldn't like to investigate and check any of these things would we, this is not an episode of House, its much better to stuff some drugs in my hands and watch me 'do the crouch' as I walk off into the sunrise and live painfully ever after.....
With questions like 'What is the Meaning of Life?' and 'Where will I go when I die?' open to being answered on this blog, you might wonder why I am asking 'Will it Blend?'.
Well wonder no more, check out the videos below and you will know
Ipod
Toy Cars
Marbles
I would like to start this post by apologising to those of you that rely on frequent posts in my blog to get you through your hard days at work.......... Due to Christmas, I have not had the time to update but will put a few things on today to keep you entertained James!
HOW MEN AND WOMEN SHOWER DIFFERENTLY . . .
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with bathroom cleaner. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake penis at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your penis and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire penis size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake penis at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
For anyone that knows me, this post does not come as a suprise, I love Family Guy and watch it far too much. It makes me laugh so hard that I nearly wet myself!
This scene is taken from one of the latest episodes, the family is about to die when Peter makes one last confession.......... Oh, and it looks like they finally understand Stewie.
'Where?' I hear you say? For a post entitled 'Photos from Germany', this seems to e a rather bland piece of writing with not a sight of colour, landmarks or people. Well, there is a reason for that, following my last post, I have to admit that there was another thing that I did not take with me, a camera.
After all, why in this day and age do we need one? We have phones which can capture all the footage we need, unless of course we forget our chargers! By the way for those of you worried about how I am coping without a phone I can assure you that I am holding in tere at the moment. Its not easy and every hour I think 'ah, I must call so and so', it is then that reality dawns on me and I swear at myself for being such a fool.
The worst thing is that I am waiting for about 10 people to get back to me about things. It is very easy for them to ignore my emails so I need to phone some of them and give them a nudge (you know who you are!) but I can't. Hense I am going over to my parents early tonight (they have invited me for dinner) so that I can nab their phone for half an hour. I know what you are thinking, 'Mike, you have a landline, its on your website...'. Well, you would be right, in a way. Its a skype phone and it seems that my wireless internet has decided that it wants to really play up at the moment so I can't even use that.
Oh well, I will get back to talking to myself and cursing my stupidity every so often,
Mike
Yes, I'm back in sunny England, I have to say, we all laugh about our weather but it was just as bad in Germany, just a little colder. As usual when I go away, I had forgotten a few essentials, a jumper, my phone charger and a razor being the main things this time. The razor was sorted easily enough, I used Anjas lady shave which as far as I was concerned was no different to any other razor. The only difference I can now see is that lady shavers are designed to cut blokes to pieces. I have not cut myself since I went through puberty and started trying to get rid of the fluffy haze that I referred to as a beard!
The phone charger was more tricky, I had to keep the phone turned off and just check messages once a day. It actually lasted until last night when I landed in London. I stayed overnight at my best mates, had 1 too many pints of Guiness and left it there this morning, DOH! Its being posted back to me tomorrow!
The Jumper was the thing that Anja decided to bring up at every given moment, whenever I thought I had a bit of one upmanship on a subject, I would be brought down to earth as I shivered in the cold wind as was asked why I was not wearing something warm, women!
I will tell you more about the trip over subsequent days, in the meantime, I have to tell you about the trip back. I was sat in the British Airways Plane praying that the overweight smelly man that had checked in behind me was not going to end up next to me when someone in front caught my eye. 'My', I thought, that man looks strangely like Mark Owen. Wow, thats a coinsidence the bloke next to him looks like Gary Balow. Well, no coinsidece, Take That were sitting 2 seats in front of me!
I decided not to say anything to them on the flight, I had a book to read, 48 pages left, I had to finish it before touch down.
On our departure from the plane I walked alongside them, pretended that I was with them, everyone turning thinking, 'I wonder who the new member of the band is?' It was at that point something terrible happened, I heard myself whistling a tune, not just any tune, I was whistling 'Want You Back' while walking alongside the band that had originally sung it. The shame, what must they have thought? It was at that point I thought of changing my hum to a Robbie Williams song, to see if I got a reaction but I resisted.
I had a bit of banter with them in the queue at the passport lounge but apart from that kept myself to myself, I work in the industry, I certainly wasn't going to come over all star struck!
I then left them, desperate for the toilet and found the urinals. Now those of you that are males reading this will know that the urinal in the middle is the least preferred, it is also the place where stage fright is most likely to happen. Not that I normally have a problem with that so up I went. All of a sudden, as if by magic, Mark Owen appears by the side of me, well that was it, I couldn't go. There is nothing worse than standing at the urinal, nothing happening and then having to pretend to finish and walk off STILL needing the loo. What was even worse is that I didn't want to admit I couldn't go so I just stood there and waited for Mark to finish as it was obvious what had happened if not. Well that man must have drunk the plane dry, I have never known anyone to pee for so long!
So there we go, a trip to Germany and a pee with Take That, you can never say my life is dull!
Yup, this post comes to you all the way from Germany, Dusseldorf to be precise, although this evening I leave for Bonne!
Having a good time out here at the moment, would you believe this is the first holiday I have had in 3 years? It is so nice to be able to relax and not bother about emails or the telephones....... ok, wel nearly not worry about that, the phone is being checked once a day and the emails twice but hey, I have a business to keep going, I can't just leave everything, can I?
I have to say, being me, it is very hard to relax, I am not the kind of person that can just sit and no worry about things, I enjoy having things to do, I enjoy moving the company forward, starting new projects, thinking up new ideas. So thats what I shall do, I will have a nice time in different surroundings, I will relax for some of the day and the rest I will plot. Plot the success of the company, world domination, I will be the emperor of Earth..... oops, got a little carried away there, but hey, there could be worse world emperors...............
