Pain in the Neck

There are so many things in this world the are a pain in the neck but it seems none more so than an actual pain in the neck! You see, this morning, I awoke at 4am to discover that a problem I had had some time back in my neck had re-occurred. The first time it happened, lets call it 'Neck affliction', was about a year ago and I remember having to drive down to Portsmouth to meet a band whilst being unable to turn my head. Not a problem until you get to either a junction or if you are trying to change lanes on the motorway. Whats even worse is that because you look like a robot, people just laugh at you, in fact sympathy was given by no-one. But I got through it and after a week, I had managed to defeat the pain, just your average war movie.

Unlike most film sequels 'Neck Affliction 2 - Meetings of dread' was not only a better storyline but included romance and far more pain. It was bad enough that my German girlfriend was going back to Germany that weekend and I had planned a lovely weekend that was ruined by a phone call reminding me that I was supposed to be elsewhere in the country but to then have the agony of the neck pain really topped it off. It all ended up really lovely with Anja joining me at the hotel I was staying at so that we could still have our last weekend together but what wasn't nice was me walking around the town center at 5 in the morning desperately trying to find somewhere that might sell pain killers.

2 weeks later the pain had finally subsided and all went back to normal.

So, here we are, 2 days off the biggest party night of the year and its back ' Neck affliction 3 - This time with a vengeance'. I awoke at 4am in agony, couldn't move for 20 minutes and then managed to get into the shower to try and sooth it with hot water. No good! I ended up going to the hospital and waiting 2 and a half hours to be seen. As I was taken through and sat down to start another wait I overheard a very old man in the cubical next to me asking a nurse if he could go home. 'Not yet' she replied, 'the doctor is just coming over'. The doctor turns up and with a loud (he was a bit deaf) and dispassionate vice declares ' sir, you have broken your neck'. At this point the gentleman, probably well into his 80's says 'so can I go home now then?'.

Of course the answer was no but to then have the same doctor come to deal with my neck which certainly isn't broken left me at a bit of a disadvantage. A quick feel round it and he declared it a muscle spasm although why it should keep re-occurring is apparently a mystery. O top of that, apparently, it only lasts a couple of days and then goes away, oh no it doesn't! Apparently, the reason as to why the pain is with me for 2 weeks or more is also a mystery. But of course, we wouldn't like to investigate and check any of these things would we, this is not an episode of House, its much better to stuff some drugs in my hands and watch me 'do the crouch' as I walk off into the sunrise and live painfully ever after.....